


cloud nine

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, Romance, sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-15
Updated: 2012-08-15
Packaged: 2019-01-19 18:55:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12415971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: The thing about clouds, Shige realizes, is that if you stare at them long enough, you lose your concept of reality.





	cloud nine

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck. written for cotton candy bingo (clouds).

The thing about clouds, Shige realizes, is that if you stare at them long enough, you lose your concept of reality. As a child, he often looked to the sky and it wasn’t five seconds before he had lost his balance and fallen down. All this means is that he makes sure he’s already sitting or lying down before doing it as an adult.

Growing up an only child means that you live a lot of your life inside your own head. Without brothers and sisters to play with, Shige often played alone and made up other characters or rivals, whatever fit the situation. His imagination was vast and endless, which hasn’t changed at all as he’s grown up.

It’s ironic, he thinks while laying on the soft grass and watching the fluffy white clouds roll by. He’s living a dream and still wonders what it would be like to be a normal guy. Would he be a lawyer now? Would he be married…probably not. Whether he’s singing and dancing on stage or pushing paperwork in an office, he’d still be into men, and Japan hasn’t yet become accepting of that lifestyle. And probably never will.

“Shige. Shige, look.”

Shige shakes himself out of his thoughts. For a while he’d forgotten that he isn’t alone. Koyama is lying next to him, watching the same clouds above, only he sees them as what they are– clouds. This isn’t to say that Koyama lacks imagination, but he views things as they are and shares his thoughts and feelings instead of keeping them inside. Shige knows everything about Koyama, all of his deepest thoughts and feelings, because Koyama has told him.

“Mm?” Shige replies, just a small noise to show that he’s listening. Koyama will start poking him otherwise; he’s quite adamant about having Shige’s attention.

“Doesn’t that cloud look like, well, you know?”

Confused, Shige follows Koyama’s pointing and sees a series of clouds that could _possibly_ be shaped like a penis, complete with fluffy balls, and bursts out laughing. “How old are you?!” he exclaims.

“Twenty-eight,” Koyama replies, and Shige doesn’t have to look at him to hear the smile on his face.

“With the mentality of someone half your age,” Shige replies, but he’s grinning. He needed that laugh.

“Hey, Shige,” Koyama says suddenly. “What are you thinking about?”

“Me?” Shige repeats, buying some time. “Nothing, really. Just relaxing.”

“Your face doesn’t look relaxed,” Koyama contests, and Shige turns to see the other man looking right at him. “Is something wrong? Do you need to talk?”

“Everything’s fine,” Shige assures him, flashing a smile for effect. “You worry too much. I’m a writer, you know? I’m supposed to get lost in my thoughts.”

Koyama pouts. “I liked it better when you shared your thoughts with just me.”

Those words hit Shige deeper than Koyama probably intended for them to. He remembers when they were young– has it been ten years already?– and there was no such thing as a secret between them. But back then all of their thoughts and dreams had to do with being famous and getting better at singing and dancing, becoming good adults. Now they are decent adults who are famous, though whether they got any better at singing and dancing is debatable.

Sighing, Shige looks back up at the sky and watches the clouds until his walls fall down. “Do you ever think about what your life would be like if you didn’t join Johnny’s?”

Koyama doesn’t answer him right away, and with each passing second Shige feels more sheepish. Koyama is the leader of NEWS now; he’s the last person to whom Shige should be expressing his selfish regrets.

“Everyday,” Koyama answers, and Shige’s so surprised that his jaw drops a little. “Every time I go home and see my mother working in the restaurant, I think ‘this could have been me’. I went to university, but I’m not really good at anything, you know? Except making people happy.”

“Shut up,” Shige says, elbowing him. “You are good at a lot of things.”

“Maybe,” Koyama says noncommittally. “But I don’t have to worry about that, right? Because I joined Johnny’s, I can do what I’m good at and have fun doing it.”

“Sorry,” Shige mumbles. “I feel like an asshole.”

Koyama elbows him back. “I know you don’t mean it like it sounds. What is this _really_ about, Shige? I doubt you dream of working a boring salaryman job and taking the train to work every morning.”

“Not being judged by so many people,” Shige answers. The words feel even dumber when spoken out loud. “Being able to love who I want.”

“Ah, there it is.” Koyama sounds triumphant, though a little sad. “I’ll try not to be too hurt that you haven’t told me that you’re in love before now.”

“I’m not in love,” Shige says quietly. “I’m not allowed to be.”

“Shige, you’re breaking my heart,” and Shige didn’t want to cry until he heard the sincerity in Koyama’s voice, because that just makes him ache even more.

He never let himself admit it, even inside his head, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. “It’s fine,” he says, more to himself than to Koyama. “Just let it go.”

“Shige.” Now Koyama is stern, using the tone he uses in the rare instances that he’s actually mad, and the hairs on Shige’s arms prickle in response. Then Koyama sighs, and Shige feels like he’s solely responsible for all of Koyama’s unhappiness. “When did I lose you?”

“Huh?” Shige replies, still staring ahead at the sky, because if he doesn’t, his regret will get the best of him. “I’m right here, Koyama.”

“Yes, but.” Koyama pauses, and it’s heavier than if he had yelled. “You’re looking to the sky while I look only at you.”

Shige can feel Koyama’s stare, his eyes practically burning into the side of Shige’s face. He has an urge to cover his own eyes with his arm, but resists. It’s gotten to this point, and they’re both adults now. Maybe he really will feel better if they talk about it. This is Koyama, he has to remember. Koyama wouldn’t do anything to hurt him; he never has. No matter what it was, Koyama always made everything okay just by being there.

“I don’t like women,” Shige says, and even though he’s laying down, it feels like a substantial weight has disappeared from his shoulders just by speaking the words out loud.

“Shige,” Koyama says again. “Give me some credit, please. I already knew that.”

Now Shige’s leaning up on his elbows, casting an incredulous look over to Koyama. “You did?”

Koyama’s face is a visual representation of sympathy, at least until he laughs. “Of course I did. I’m glad you finally told me, though. It makes me happy that you trust me.”

“I…” Shige’s so amazed that he can’t even think before he speaks. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?!”

“Why are you getting mad at me?” Koyama asks, his pout calming Shige’s rage considerably. “I didn’t want to falsely accuse you, on the rare chance I was wrong. How rude would that be?”

“It’s not weird or uncomfortable or anything?” Shige asks. “It doesn’t make you want to be around me less?”

“I’m offended that you would even think that,” Koyama responds with an even harder poke than before. “If it makes you feel better, I’ve done it before. So it’s not weird to me at all.”

“Done what before,” Shige deadpans, his heart racing.

“You know.” Koyama shrugs. “With a guy.”

“Seriously?” Shige exclaims. Apparently he _doesn’t_ know everything about his best friend after all.

“Yeah.” Koyama’s eyes look away from him for the first time. “It was different.”

“But you love women,” Shige protests, like Koyama will suddenly take it back if he’s presented with enough logic.

“I love everyone,” Koyama says firmly. “It doesn’t matter, you know? It doesn’t even have to be love.”

Shige tries to wrap his mind around this new piece of information, but Koyama has managed to shut down his thought process for the time being. “What’s it like?”

“You don’t know?!” Koyama exclaims, and now he’s the one looking incredulously at Shige.

“Haven’t exactly had any opportunities to find out,” Shige grumbles.

“Oh, Shige.”

“Spare me your pity,” Shige says, feeling embarrassed as he turns back toward the clouds. “There are worse things than being a twenty-five-year-old virgin, I’m sure.”

“Is it because you’re waiting for love?” Koyama asks.

Shige wants to point out the irony of Koyama being the one to ask this question, but that’s a confession he’s not ready to make. “You could say that.”

A small noise of acknowledgement answers him, and after a few seconds of silence Shige takes a deep breath, assured that the conversation is over for the time being. Part of him is mad at himself for not telling Koyama earlier, but the other part thinks that this made it all worse. Especially knowing that Koyama has been with a man before, and is open to the idea of doing it again, Shige can’t stop his mind from wandering into forbidden territory.

“Shige.”

“What?” Shige answers a little too fast. He feels his face flush and tries to calm down; there’s no way Koyama can read his mind. If he could, he would have already known for years now.

“Look,” Koyama says, and Shige glances to the side to see Koyama pointing in the opposite direction. “Isn’t it cute?”

Shige leans up a little and squints, trying to make sense out of the clouds that don’t resemble anything more than white cotton candy. He’s still peering at it when something blocks his view, something resembling Koyama’s face, and the next second has him gasping because Koyama is _kissing_ him, their lips pressed together enough to spark as Koyama’s hand slides up his jaw to cradle his face.

It’s the single most intimate experience of Shige’s life, and he had kissed plenty of girls before he came to terms with who he is. Then Koyama pulls away and all Shige can think is that it’s over entirely too fast, his heart pounding at finally being able to acknowledge these feelings he’s been suppressing for so many years.

“Koyama,” he says, his voice all air.

“Shige, I’ve known you for over a decade,” Koyama says, the fingers on his skin turning gentle. “The only reason you wouldn’t tell me something that important is if it had to do with me.”

“I’m sorry,” Shige blurts out, and all at once it hits him, making him squeeze his eyes shut and bite his lip to keep from giving in to the emotions that threaten to consume him.

“Say it to my face,” Koyama hisses, his voice wavering. Either he’s really pissed off or he’s about to cry. “Tell me how you feel.”

“I love you,” Shige whispers. He feels a tear run down his cheek and burns in shame, wanting to just dig a hole in the ground and never come out. “I’m so sorry, Koya–”

He’s cut off by more pressure on his lips, and this time both of Koyama’s hands are on his face. Shige tries to pull away, but Koyama won’t let him, pressing their lips together over and over again until Shige knows nothing except how it feels. His own hands shakily reach for Koyama’s arms, sliding down to his back and pulling him closer, and a tear that’s not his slides down Shige’s nose, adding a hint of salt to their kiss.

It’s Koyama who deepens the kiss, tilting Shige’s head and flicking his tongue between Shige’s lips, which immediately part to let him in. Their tongues touch and Shige’s mind spins, forgetting about everything except Koyama, his taste and how his body feels in Shige’s arms, the soft puffs of air that hit Shige’s wet cheeks and the small noise he makes in the back of his throat that Shige can feel through their kiss.

All too soon it ends, though at the same time it feels like forever, and Koyama’s thumbs swipe the moisture underneath Shige’s eyes that lift to look at him. He’s an absolute mess, red eyes and an equally as red nose with shiny lips, his hair a little mussed from Shige’s wandering hands, and Shige has never been more attracted to him than right now in this very second, his breaths coming twice as fast as normal while his heart is about to beat out of his chest.

“I did it because…” Koyama starts, cutting himself off with a gasp of air, and Shige’s torn between confusion and concern as he watches him struggle with his words. “You know how I am, Shige. I want to know everything, and learn it for myself. When I figured out that you only liked men, I thought I was missing out on something, so I tried it out.”

“I really don’t want to hear any details–” Shige starts.

“But all I could think about was you,” Koyama interrupts, and Shige’s mouth falls closed. “You doing that with someone else, and _damn_ did it make me jealous.” He offers a small smile. “I’m glad you haven’t done it before, because now I can be your first.”

“Koyama,” Shige breathes, every nerve in his body making him aware of their approval.

“Shige,” Koyama replies, biting back a laugh. “Don’t you think you should start calling me ‘Kei-chan’?”

Shige meets his eyes, feeling fear and excitement and disbelief all at the same time, and he abandons the clouds above for the ground below. “Does this mean you feel the same way?”

“I’ve been telling you ‘I love you’ for years,” Koyama says, and Shige smiles as he recalls the memories. “Now I think I should show you.”

He hops to his feet, dusting off the seat of his jeans, and Shige doesn’t even bother trying to pretend he’s not staring. The sun illuminates Koyama’s silhouette and even Shige feels lame making an angelic comparison, especially with regards to what they’re about to do, but then Koyama holds out his hand and Shige takes it, letting Koyama hoist him up and lead him to the car, fingers weaving together.

The contact continues once they’re in Koyama’s car, the comfortable silence all around them as they drive in the direction of Koyama’s new apartment. Koyama’s thumb gently rubs the knuckle of Shige’s and it’s calming; he hadn’t realized how nervous he was until it subsided. With a deep breath, Shige leans against the window and looks at the sky outside, watching the clouds move by even faster. They seem much further away now.

“Don’t be nervous,” Koyama says, piercing the atmosphere, and Shige instantly tenses up. “Ah, I made it worse by saying it.”

“It’s okay,” Shige replies, squeezing his hand, and Koyama smiles as he keeps his eyes on the road. Shige takes the opportunity to look at him, watching each blink of his single eyelids and the way his Adam’s apple jumps in his throat when he swallows. All he’s wearing is an old T-shirt and jeans with his hair unstyled and Shige thinks he’s the hottest man he’s ever laid eyes on, one who just happens to be his best friend as well.

“Ugh, stupid red light,” Koyama mutters, and for the first time Shige sees how anxious _Koyama_ is as he frowns at the traffic signal that makes him stop the car. Usually Koyama loves to drive and will purposely take the longer way so that he can spend more time in the car; this is the first time Shige’s ever seen him in a rush, even when they were late for work or trying to get to a particular store before it closed. It has Shige flushing because this time Koyama’s in a rush to be with _him_.

The longer it takes, the more time Shige’s mind has to wander, thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong, with both tonight and the days to come. Then Koyama squeezes his hand and Shige reconsiders the impossibility that he could be psychic after all, but by that time, they’re pulling into his parking spot.

“Hey,” Koyama says, and this time he’s looking at Shige when Shige turns towards his voice. “Do you not want to?”

“I…I do,” Shige admits, his cheeks flaming at the admission. “I just don’t know how. I mean, which…role.”

“Ah.” Koyama flashes a grin. “I’ll let you pick. If it’s Shige, either way is fine.”

For the past several years, Shige had been content with his unrequited love, but now that he knows it’s mutual, it’s even _stronger_. Shige feels things he’s only sang about before, or seen in movies, or heard his friends speak of. “I don’t care,” he says. “I just want to be close to you.”

Koyama’s grin brightens, and for a second Shige thinks he’s going to cry again, but his expression takes on a devious smirk instead. “Let’s go then.”

It feels like someone else’s legs are carrying him up out of the car, across the parking lot and up the stairs, following Koyama autonomously. He plays with his fingers restlessly while Koyama picks through his keys, smiling when he drops them twice. Finally they get inside, and Shige’s shoes are barely off before Koyama’s grabbing him by the waist, pushing him up against the nearest wall and kissing him hard.

Shige can’t function for a second, overwhelmed by the sudden attack, but he catches up real quick and wraps his arms around Koyama’s neck as he kisses back. He doesn’t mind letting Koyama take control like this; in fact, it’s really hot. All of his apprehension fades away as arousal takes over, one of his legs looping around Koyama’s to bring him even closer.

He feels Koyama hard against him and moans, deeper than usual and Koyama’s breath comes faster, his hands grabbing Shige’s hips to grind right between his legs. Shige’s eyes fly open at the friction, his body automatically rocking back as another moan forces its way into Koyama’s mouth.

“Your _voice_ ,” Koyama hisses, looping his arms around Shige’s shoulders to press even closer. “You may want to decide soon, before I take you right against this wall.”

Shige’s body throbs at the thought, his own breath running away from him as he nods. “That would be okay.”

“ _Shige_ ,” Koyama says, interrupting his laugh with a moan that goes straight down Shige’s pants. “I’m not doing it against the wall the first time. I can’t lift you anyway.”

“I bet you can,” Shige whispers, then hops up into Koyama’s arms. Koyama gasps, but manages to hold on enough to squish Shige between himself and the wall.

“Yes, well, I can do _this_.” Koyama speaks into his jaw as he mouths his way down it, burying his face into Shige’s neck that stretches to feel more. He rolls his hips against Shige’s even harder, and Shige’s moans are louder now that they’re not muffled.

Shige wraps his legs around Koyama’s waist, pushing back and sliding his hands up into Koyama’s hair as the pressure between them grows. Shige has never felt so hot in his life, his skin starting to sweat under his clothes that are quickly becoming a hindrance.

Suddenly Koyama shoves Shige’s legs down and steps back, his face red and his breaths heaving, and for a second Shige thinks Koyama wants to punch him. “We’re going to bed. Now.”

He grabs Shige’s wrist and drags him down the hallway, Shige stumbling to keep up as his legs don’t want to work, but then he’s thrown down onto Koyama’s soft mattress and Koyama’s pouncing him like a tiger, returning to his mouth and Shige can’t think anymore. He feels something hit the mattress next to him, but isn’t too concerned about it as they tear at each other’s clothes faster than a costume change during a concert.

Koyama’s skin is hot to the touch, already sweating a little and highly responsive to Shige’s fingers. It seems like everywhere Shige makes contact has Koyama jumping, rubbing against him directly now that there are no barriers in the way, and curiously Shige lowers one of his hands to wrap around Koyama’s erection.

“Shige,” Koyama gasps, kissing him even harder as he pushes into Shige’s hand. He’s so incredibly worked up and Shige loves it because it’s all for _him_. Then he laughs, and Shige pauses until he adds, “Every time I thought about this, it was slow and sensual.”

“You thought about this?” Shige asks.

“Of course I did,” answers Koyama. “Didn’t you think about me?”

“I wouldn’t let myself,” Shige tells him. “I didn’t want to make it hurt worse by fantasizing about someone I thought I could never have.”

“Oh, Shige,” Koyama says, shaking his head as he kisses his way down Shige’s chest. His cock falls out of Shige’s hand, which grips onto Koyama’s sheets as Koyama’s mouth reaches his belly. “You can do it now. What would you fantasize about me doing?”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Shige hisses, his body rocking and his legs spreading as Koyama reaches his hip. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Come on.” Koyama grins up at him. “Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”

“Kei-chan,” Shige says, the name both foreign and familiar on his tongue. “Please…put it in your mouth.”

Another one of those devilish smirks flashes up at him as Koyama settles between his legs, and Shige arches and tosses his head back at the first puff of air that hits his sensitive length.

“Don’t you want to watch me?” Koyama asks, his voice dangerously low, and Shige forces his eyes open as he leans up on his elbows. Koyama’s looking right at him as he opens his mouth, gently pushing apart Shige’s thighs as he licks the head of Shige’s cock, which has Shige choking on a moan at the way pleasure coils through his entire body.

“Kei-chan,” he says again, detaching his hand from Koyama’s bedspread to shakily push his hair out of his face. “I won’t last long if you tease me too much.”

“That’s okay,” Koyama replies, pressing his lips to the head and speaking into the foreskin. “I can always do it again. Later.”

Then he starts taking it into his mouth and Shige fights to stay focused on him, watching the length disappearing past his lips. Koyama wraps his hand around the shaft and pulls the foreskin back, sucking on the head directly and Shige can’t stop the moans pouring from him as his fingers tighten in Koyama’s hair.

He feels a groan of approval and does it harder, which makes Koyama suck more of him down, and now a series of expletives and incomprehensible syllables spill out as his hips rock on their own. A small pressure appears between his legs and Shige realizes too late what it is, a slick finger spiraling its way inside him while Koyama’s mouth distracts him. It’s only marginally uncomfortable, at least until Koyama starts moving his head back and forth and sneaks in a second finger.

“Fuck,” Shige gets out, gasping for air as his body starts to shudder. “I’m going to come.”

But Koyama pulls away, halting him just before he gets to the edge, and Shige’s whine resounds in his own ears as Koyama drags his lips back up Shige’s heaving chest to his mouth. “Not without me inside you, you’re not.”

All of Shige’s breaths come out as moans as he becomes very aware of the fingers inside him, stretching and scissoring, and the deeper Koyama goes, the more it feels good. His body starts pushing back against Koyama’s touch, like it’s searching for something, and he figures out what it is when Koyama pushes some kind of button inside him that has him arching and moaning so loud that it resounds in his own head.

It’s joined with Koyama’s, the low rumble vibrating Shige’s throat as he slips in a third finger and Shige feels so full, so hot as Koyama moves all three of them in and out. Koyama kneels between his legs and Shige can feel him hard against his thigh, the tip leaking with precome and his snaps his hips even harder, urging Koyama to finger him faster.

“Kei-chan,” he says. It comes out as a whimper, but he can’t even be ashamed about it with how much his body is yearning for Koyama to replace his fingers with his cock.

“Mm, you ready?” Koyama asks, pressing the words into Shige’s jaw as he gently guides Shige’s thighs closer to his chest. Grateful for something to do with his hands, he loops them around his knees, spreading them embarrassingly wide. He feels even more open and vulnerable when Koyama removes his fingers, leaning back to fumble with something that crinkles, and Shige takes a deep breath to brace himself.

“Hurry up,” he mutters, getting more anxious as the seconds pass, but then Koyama’s hovering over him and looking down at him with dark, doting eyes.

“I love you,” Koyama says, punctuating the statement with a low groan as Shige feels him start to push in.

Shige wants to say it back, but he can’t speak, his breath caught in his throat as he struggles to relax. Koyama’s cock is much bigger than his fingers, hard and solid, and Shige can feel it throb inside him as Koyama fills him all the way. Koyama’s balls touch Shige’s ass and Shige lets out his breath, tensing now that he can, and Koyama moans at the way he tightens around him.

“Let me know when I can move,” Koyama says, his voice shaky and desperate, and Shige lets go of his knees to grab onto Koyama’s arms. He struggles to see clearly through the haze of his arousal, and it’s worth it when he catches sight of Koyama’s face, witnessing his best friend-turned-lover in the heat of passion. Koyama’s hair is sticking to his forehead, his bottom lip in his teeth as he holds himself back.

“Okay,” Shige finally says, cringing as he prepares himself for Koyama to start fucking him hard, but Koyama pulls back just a little bit, thrusting slowly and moaning so deeply that Shige feels a shiver run up his spine.

Koyama gradually builds up to full, sharp thrusts, the first of which grazes that spot inside Shige that has them both crying out from the pressure. Shige loses control of his breathing as Koyama aims for it again, and again, his hands clutching onto Shige’s back as he presses his forehead into Shige’s shoulder and moans into his collarbone. His noises get louder as his hips go faster and soon they’re joined by skin slapping skin, and Shige’s pushing back with each thrust to take him in deeper.

“I can’t…” Shige starts to say, smacking Koyama’s arm relentlessly as he tries to get out his words. “Kei-chan, I need…”

He gets another moan in response, but Koyama’s sliding one of his hands down Shige’s side and around his thigh, taking Shige’s cock in hand and Shige’s next moan hurts his throat, torn from his lungs as Koyama strokes him in time with his thrusts. “Come for me, Shige,” he whispers, his voice breaking, and it gets harder and harder for him to move.

Shige comes almost instantly, orgasm hitting him harder than ever before and leaving him immersed in tingles and sharp jolts of pleasure as he spills over Koyama’s fingers with a loud, rough cry. Then Koyama grabs his hips, pounding him hard enough for the mattress to bounce him back, and Shige opens his eyes in time to see Koyama throw his head back, exposing his throat as his Adam’s apple jumps with the force of his scream.

Something pulses inside him and it’s the strangest feeling, to _feel_ Koyama come as he falls still and nearly collapses on top of Shige, catching himself with his elbows at the last second. Desperate gasps for air overtake them both, and Shige lets out a small whine as Koyama pulls out of him and gently lowers his legs. Shige is breathing so hard that Koyama rises and falls with his breaths, but he doesn’t look bothered as he curls up on Shige’s chest, slipping a little from their combined sweat.

Shige thinks he should be more nervous now that it’s over, because what happens next is even scarier than sex– having an actual _relationship_ — but he feels nothing but bliss as the tingles remain and seem to regenerate everywhere Koyama touches him.

“I would never regret joining Johnny’s,” Koyama says breathlessly, “because if it wasn’t for that, I would have never met you.”

Shige wonders if this is what it feels like to melt from words. “My only regret is not telling you sooner,” is all he says.

Koyama leans up to pout down at him. It’s even cuter when his face is sex-flushed. “You can make it up to me. A lot.”

This time Shige initiates their kiss, pulling Koyama down by his hair and tasting his lips once again. It’s much slower and more intense than before, and Shige thinks this is better than anything he could ever dream up while looking at the sky.

He likes the clouds in his head right now better anyway.


End file.
